This is such an important topic and one that I wanted to talk about for a while now. I’ve had my doubts if I should share my thoughts about this or not, because it’s a sensitive subject and sadly letting yourself go in the relationship has become the norm in our society. What I’ve also noticed is that for some people letting themselves go in a relationship is a green flag and also a sign of happiness. I often heard couples say “Yes, we’ve gained weight because she’s such a good cook and she’s taking care of me” or „Oh, this weight gain shows a man is truly happy in his relationship”.
Let me take you back a little bit to the beginning of every relationship, you know, that honeymoon phase, where it’s all about sparks and fireworks, effort and commitment to prove that you both are worthy and there’s nothing more important in the entire world than what you guys have. That special connection is maintained and can survive the test of time if you guys show the same amount of effort, give the same amount of time and energy to that relationship.
People nowadays have this misconception that once you’ve gotten what you’ve wanted from that relationship you can now relax, take it easy and take your partner for granted cause nothing could possibly break you guys up. Let’s say that your goal was to impress the woman of your dreams and marry her and somehow she said yes. What do you do now? You get lazy, too comfortable, you don’t do the same things that got her to say yes to you in the first place, you take her for granted and you’re under the impression that this is a healthy long lasting relationship? Spoiler alert, it’s not, it’s gonna fall apart real quick and it’s probably gonna get a bit ugly.
Yes, you got the girl, the woman of your dreams and you now form a couple. What most people fail to understand is that the goal is not to be in that relationship or to even get married. The true goal is to maintain that commitment as long as you guys can, let’s say it’s …forever? How does that sound? You hear left and right people asking „What’s the secret of your happy relationship?”. From my perspective it’s really simple: never stop doing the things you used to do for your wife/husband or boyfriend/girlfriend once you guys are committed to each other. Somehow this part always gets lost in translation and people forget that for a relationship to work and be long lasting it needs consistency and devotion. Otherwise you guys are walking on very thin ice and the relationship will end sooner rather than later.
Letting yourself go in a relationship is not the flex people make it out to be. The work on your relationship is not done once you get that commitment, it’s actually where the real work starts. If you were under the impression that you’ve worked really hard to get that relationship, wait until you realize what it takes to maintain it.
People say that „Your significant other needs to love you no matter what you look like and no matter the situation”. They have this mentality that once you’ve gotten that commitment there’s no turning back. And they would be wrong. That statement is only half right and it’s a double edge sword if you ask me. How so? Well, we all know the saying : Love lasts three years, right? Have you ever wondered why? Here’s the answer: first and foremost people simply stop working on themselves after that honeymoon phase, this includes spiritual and mental growth, taking care of their physical appearance; and if they are doing the work they’re not aligned with their partner and it causes a disconnect in the relationship.
How I see it, the healthiest reasons to get into a relationship are: you fully accept the person in front of you (along with the good and the less good and you don’t want to change them whatsoever), you are attracted to them physically, mentally and in any kind of way, and last, but not least they bring out the best in you, and make you want to be the best version of yourself and they support your hopes and dreams and try to help you reach them. I want to be clear here, this goes both ways, it’s not gender specific.
I can already hear a lot of people saying „This is fictional.” „What’s you’re saying doesn’t apply to long term relationships, they’re different. People do get comfortable in their relationship and that’s ok”. Maybe you’re right, but from what I’ve seen, heard, lived, couples that let themselves go and stop working on themselves are not happy, fulfilled mentally or spiritually and the laziness or that comfortable feeling will only deteriorate the relationship over time.
People need to understand this: once you’ve stopped working on your relationship, is the second you said „I’m willing to lose everything I’ve worked so hard for”. Couples that let themselves go will often complain of boredom, feeling stuck, feeling like they’re missing something, like they want to do something, but they just don’t know what or they feel a numbness in their life, like they lost their spark and even feel frustrated. And there will come a time when one of the partners will realize that their relationship is not actually going well and they will say „Hey, we need to change something.” And that’s a crucial moment, because depending on how well the couple communicates they will make a major change for their relationship or they will simply break up.
Everyone is tired of hearing this, and believe you me, I’m tired of reminding you guys this: communication is key for a healthy long term relationship. But let me reiterate: active communication and understanding. Don’t listen so you can reply, listen so you can understand what your partner is saying to you. For a relationship to work you and your partner need to be on the same page and that’s where honest, clear, direct communication will help. Because as long as communication is spot on between you both, you will forever be golden. People really don’t realize the power of good communication and it shows.
I strongly feel that the spark, the chemistry between two people never really goes away, what happens is they just drift apart, they distance themselves without realizing it because they don’t communicate their wants and needs properly and they eventually become strangers. A soul connection only fades away if the two people involved are in different chapters of the book and they will realize that very late along the way, when the „damage” is already done and the relationship cannot be saved anymore.
I’ve spoken about working on your relationship in this article a lot and I fear I’ve scared a lot of you. Here’s one little secret I’ve kept for the end: when you choose the right partner for you, all those things that I’ve labeled as „work” will feel as easy as breathing. And no one will have to tell you to do something, you will intuitively know what your partner needs. That’s what good communication does. Of course, I’m not saying it will be sunshine and rainbows every single day, but as far as keeping the spark and chemistry alive, making sure that you both are on the same page, choosing the right person for you is the first step for a lasting relationship.
People who feel like they always have to make sacrifices for the relationship to work …they are simply in the wrong relationship and they are afraid to admit it. The word „sacrifice” is a word that should not describe any kind of relationship, at least from my perspective. But that’s a topic for the next article.
As always, I want you guys to let me know your thoughts on this topic. Feel free to use the comment section below.