Let’s get comfortable, shall we? Cause this is hardly a comfortable topic these days. You guys already know the drill by now… whenever I choose to write about relationships I’m gonna be brutally honest and spare no feelings along the way. The end goal here is to share my thoughts with you guys and start conversations around important topics, like this one.
„He’s still coming home to me, so I don’t care if he cheats.” „All men cheat and there’s nothing we can do about it.” „He had a momentary lapse, it’s not a big deal.” … I saw these kind of statements on Social Media made by women and my blood started boiling immediately. I couldn’t for the life of me comprehend their train of thought and how their self-esteem got to be so low. I initially thought it was a joke and that all these women cannot truly think like that and have this outlook on romantic relationships. Cause that would mean they’re insane. Well…to my surprise, a lot of women do believe it’s best not to know if their partner ever cheated on them and they’re defending themselves by saying that they are choosing peace for their relationship and of course, what you don’t know cannot hurt you (or at least that’s what they say). There’s so much to unpack here…that I don’t even know where to begin.
It’s so unfortunate, frustrating and even sad that women have been trained to believe that all men will cheat someday and that you better get used to this idea and move past it cause you know…it’s not a big deal. Society wants women to already be prepared mentally for when their man is gonna cheat cause let’s face it, right? He’s just a man, how is he going to control his desires and lust for other women?
That would be crazy. That’s just too much to ask from a man. And of course as a woman you have to understand that and forgive your man when he cheats cause he did not know better and he just made a mistake and you have to erase from your soul all the hurt, the betrayal and anger and hate you feel and continue the relationship as nothing ever happened.
If there’s any part of you that thinks like that or feels this might be the correct thing to do in order for you to save the relationship and maybe not break up the family you have this is your sign to seek therapy and dig deeper into why that is. I’m not a therapist, and this is just some surface level free advice: you might have some deep fear of abandonment, fear of being alone cause maybe you jumped from relationship to relationship and you don’t know how to enjoy your own company, fear of not being good enough and constantly seeking external validation from men and the list could go on.
Let’s get a few things straight: men cheat on the women they don’t respect first and foremost. It has nothing to do with love from my experience. It has everything to do with respect and less with how they feel towards you. They might even still be attracted to you and love you (in their own twisted and sick way), but if they don’t respect you… they will cheat. Cause in their non-existing brain what they did it doesn’t count and it does not matter. Why? Cause they still love you and they still choose to come back to you and that should be enough for you to forgive them. I hate to be the bearer of the bad news beib, but that’s just simply not love. He does not love you one bit. Not at all. He actually thinks he can walk all over you and treat you like a doormat and that’s the only reason he’s coming back every single time. And why he thinks he can treat you this badly? Oh, because you let him. Yeap that’s the only reason. You need to change that.
They say that if you’re going to look for proof that your man cheated on you, you’re going to find it. That’s when fear kicks in for most women because they are not ready to face the truth. But the thing is…they already know the truth. By even thinking you are most likely going to find some evidence you’ve already answered your question. And I’m gonna take it a step further…that relationship needs to end cause it’s clearly not a healthy one. And if the trust, the foundation of a stable relationship (the one that we all want) is missing, why are you wasting your time? But if you’re not digging into it you can still hold on to the illusion that everything is fine and dandy.
I strongly believe that staying in the dark about your partner being unfaithful to you is not the answer and every single woman should search for the truth no matter how uncomfortable, sad or devastating would be. I’m not saying become the most controlling and paranoid woman on the planet, but would you listen a little bit to your intuition as well?
For far too long these men have been manipulating us into thinking that our intuition is wrong and we’re just acting crazy and it’s all in our head and we’re overreacting and overthinking everything and that we need to chill. No we don’t. We actually need to be more and more agile, sharp and sneaky because even if it’s cliché, I’m gonna say it: the truth will set you free. Live by that and your entire life and reality will change for the better.
If there was any doubt, no, I don’t believe for one millisecond that ignorance is bliss when it comes to cheating in romantic relationships and I want women to become more empowered, to stop being afraid of being single and to start de-center men in their life. Cause that’s what causing the problem: by centering men and seeking their validation we forget who we are and we lose our identity as an individual.
Would love to hear from you guys if you had any experience related to this topic, how did you manage it and if not, what would you do in this situation?
2 Comments
Interesting topic! Definitely a good relationship cannot be built on lies and cheating, but on honesty, respect and borders clearly set up and accepted by both sides. I would not recommend blindly following the standard definition of a relationship, but creating an individual bond with another person based on understanding and mutual agreement. We tend to look at others, compare and copy, feeling miserable when something doesn’t go according to standards, but in fact we all are different as is every relationship and there can be many receipts for success. To build something healthy we have to love and respect ourselves first and remember that partner is our companion rather than our property, we cannot change him or her by force, and in case it doesn’t go well, we are always free to go.
Heey Kasia! Let me start by saying I really appreciate your take on this topic and I could not agree more! We’re all different in so many ways and like you said, we cannot copy and paste what we see in other’s people’s relationships and expect for it to work. I’m so happy you said that to build something healthy you have to love yourself first. These days a lot of people have no clue what that is and why it’s so important. You don’t employ someone to love you, that job is yours first and foremost.