This topic has been in my mind for years and I’ve been discussing it with my close friends for a while, but to be honest I was nervous to write about it…because a lot of people might take what I have to say the wrong way. What the internet has thought me is that people don’t like accountability and reality checks very much and most of them want to live in „delulu land” cause that’s what’s comfortable. And besides that, it does not require them to make any changes within themselves, no critical thinking, no logical thinking, no introspection…no nothing. Whenever something good, like positivity turns into an extreme and stretched so far that it becomes toxic, it loses its purpose. And will not help anyone, but actually do a lot more harm than you might think.
Here’s some examples of toxic positivity and what I’ve learned from my experience about this topic. I absolutely love writing and this is my true passion. I am a creative person since I can remember and creating my own online magazine/blog has been a dream come true. Of course I want to do this for a living and it’s my goal to only focus on writing and creating actually a podcast (that might actually start very soon; I’ll keep you guys posted about this one).
What I want to say is that lots of people on Social Media and even accomplished writers were advising people to follow their dreams ….and of course this is a good thing…but not when you need a salary and you have bills to pay. That is not a healthy and logical advice. I agree that being creative and writing and having a full time job it’s hard …but that’s …life.
You have to work around it and find ways to write in your spare time. What I’m gonna do? Go to the bank where I need to pay my mortgage and say „You know…I cannot pay anymore…I am a very creative person and I need to be left alone in peace and write and be whimsical”. You realize how dumb that sounds, I hope.
That’s the reality check I was mentioning earlier. Having a hobby that you want to turn into your full time job needs time, patience and you know what? A lot of support from your friends. To at least support your art or your creative project. So there’s a lot of factors at play here. Don’t listen to anyone saying that if you have a creative project you need to focus 100% on that because otherwise it will not work. If someone can do that, that’s called privilege so they need to shut-up and not spread stupidity all around. If you’re not a nepo-baby…you need to chill on the „I have to quit my job so I can give my creative project a real shot.”. That’s bad advice and it can make matters worse for you in every aspect of your life.
When it comes to money I take issue with people thinking money will simply land in their lap. If that were true, everyone will be a billionaire. I love manifestation and not being in a lack mentality for sure, but let’s not confuse that with reality and practicality. People tend to lean more on the side of „Money will flow to me” and truly it’s not a bad mind set to have…but you need to take a lot of steps in order for that money to come to you.
Otherwise… you will be disappointed and you will stop believing in manifestation all together at some point. Let’s get clear on something: you will not attract money, you will always attract opportunities to make money. And that’s what you need to manifest and pray for. And be opened to new connections that might help you and new ideas that might work for you on the long run. Having a positive mind-set around money is extremely healthy, but then again…don’t take it too far as to say „I am spending all this money on nonsense and doing whatever I want cause I know money will come to me”. That’s just playing silly.
If you have poor money management skills just say that or if you’re not self-aware just say that…but don’t ask the Universe to reward this behavior. Cause most probably it will not. Maybe you’re that lucky…but what are odds of that? Are you truly willing to risk it? People need to remember actions have consequences and sometimes they are harsh.
Romantic relationships are not exempted from toxic positivity. Have you ever heard of „If someone truly loves me, they will love me for me, I don’t need to change.” quote? This is such a weird thing to say because on the one hand ok, your partner should love you just the way you are, but they always forget this small detail: love is always and should be always conditional. Especially when it comes to your partner. The only unconditional love you need to have if for your children. But then again, if they turn out to become someone like Ted Bundy or Jeffrey Dahmer, you know…you might feel differently…so it’s a toss-up either way. But let’s agree that your children should get unconditional love. The same treatment does not apply to your partner. Why? Because you cannot love someone who does nothing for you and is not adding anything to your happiness and life in general.
What is there to love? A façade? A shallow of a person? I don’t understand where this concept comes from, but consider this idea debunked by me right this second. For a relation to work you both need constant reassurance, effort, commitment, great communication and …you guessed it, chemistry and a deep connection. If things change… feeling automatically change as well.
So that’s why love is conditional. Because if you’re missing a key aspect for your relationship…your partner cannot truly love you and have the same feelings for you. Wake up and smell the roses, touch some grass, whatever you need to do to understand that this idea that’s been fed to you via Social Media, it’s not healthy and it’s delusional.
The body positivity movement has become quite toxic and I truly don’t understand how we got here. Again, loving your own body and accepting it is supposed to be a good thing…right? Apparently not, because every time I see someone who’s overweight trying to lose weight they face a lot of backlash because „Why do you want to change your body?” „Who’s telling you to do that? Patriarchy? Society?” Well… no. I assume (and that’s probably my bad) that everyone has a functional brain. And they don’t …it seems like. People are allowed to lose weight if they want to and if they no longer feel good in their own skin. It has absolutely nothing to do with society.
It’s their own fault if they are so easily manipulated and they don’t know themselves enough to know when a desire comes from within or exterior factors. You need therapy if at your grown age you cannot differentiate the two. Don’t get me wrong, this is not me blaming someone…it’s just simply teaching you accountability and stop projecting your insecurities onto other people. And you don’t need to make a decision in a split of a second.
Think about it and put the pros and cons on a piece of paper. That’s what I’m saying…you need to be a functional human being with a functional brain to know how to stop all the white noise around you.
If you want to lose weight or do a cosmetic procedure just take a breath and ask yourself a simple question „Who am I doing this for?” and be very honest with yourself when answering. I always encourage people to do the changes they want to make. Just because you want to lose weight doesn’t mean the patriarchy got to you and you’re bending to their rules. No. It should mean you’ve taken a hard look at your life’s decisions and you realized you needed to make some healthier choices for you. That’s the extent of it.
Ironically, being a positive person can become very toxic in itself. How so you ask? Well…life is not all sunshine and rainbows and light and laugher. It’s very much not so at this time. Especially at this time. And people who believe that expressing negative emotions outwardly it’s bad or it attracts negative energy are at least half wrong by trusting in this statement.
Forcing yourself not to express any negative emotions, or even to censor yourself because you want to keep a positive mind-set is very stupid and moronic. Pardon my bluntness (by know you guys are for sure used to it), but this will just make your blood boil at some point and I can assure you that you’ll have the worst crash out over spilled milk if you don’t learn how to and more importantly when to express your emotions.
What are we again? Humans, right? OK, so we have emotions and we are allowed to feel negative emotions. I am not saying this should be your energy at all times, by any means…but since life can be hard and difficult you can give yourself grace and express your emotions. Not dwell on them…no, but let them out. Find a way for that energy to leave your body. It can be through exercise, therapy, talking to a friend…anything like that.
All of this to say that balance in life is everything and being self-aware is extremely important so you don’t choose an extreme or the other.
As usual, use the comment section to let me know your take on this topic.