I woke up today and chose vulnerability. As a woman I’ve always struggled with this idea in my head of how my body should look like. For a while there I thought I was the only one. Simply because thinking about it made me feel awkward and raised some questions about how I was seeing myself that I was definitely not ready to know the answers to. So I did the „healthy thing” of course, tried to never speak about it and lied to myself that it’s all good.

I realize now that from a young age I’ve always tried to look like someone else. I would read and even collect the „Bravo” or „POPCORN” magazine, you know, the classics, and see all these celebs looking perfect and of course I thought „Wouldn’t it be great if I looked like that?”.

Not gonna get into this one too much, but I always considered myself to be fat, but I would always agree that I’m not whenever someone would say to me „You’re being crazy, stop it” and say instead „Fine. You’re right. I’m just a little chubby”. Make no mistake, I’m not speaking for everyone here, but I was really uncomfortable whenever this topic would come out because I always had insecurities about my body. I wish I could say they’re all in the past, but that would be lying. Truth is things got better in time because my mental health got stronger and dare I say I got wiser.

For all the people out there who are thinking right now „Why didn’t you speak with someone if you were feeling this way?” the answer is really simple. I don’t think anyone is in charge of me feeling ok or good or beautiful about myself. First and foremost I have to believe it. My brain has to believe it. Someone can tell me 1.000.000 times a day that I look amazing and so on, but if I don’t truly believe it myself, it’s not gonna have any effect on me. It’s just words.

My struggle with how I see myself it’s mine, not someone else’s. My motivation to be better, do better has always come from within, not from exterior factors. This is how it should be. Yes, it helps if you have someone to cheer you up, but most of the time, you have to do that yourself. You have to be your biggest fan.  

For all my 90′ ladies out there, you know the iconic Britney Spears picture, with her flat, flat stomach and I even remember reading about her routine and how she managed to have such perfect abs. In retrospect, this was the moment when my beauty standards were set. Funny thing is, this happened without realizing the impact that will have on me.

I thought it was normal and that it was ok for me to want the perfect body I was seeing in magazines. Ok, so I never went as far as asking Santa for this wish you know, but for sure this was in my prayers. As a chubby kid all you want is to fit in and don’t feel bad about not being able to wear the same type of clothes that your skinny friends do. And even if you find your size it doesn’t look as beautiful on you as they look on them.

I know now that once a child’s mind is poisoned with these thoughts, it’s close to Mission Impossible to remove them and get her/him to a healthy mind-set. Yeah, sure, you can go ahead and ask Tom Cruise for help. Why? Because accepting your body like it is and loving yourself does not come easy to everyone. As a matter of fact, it’s the hardest thing to do for most of us.

Body positivity has become a thing these days because of Social Media and what we see everyone is promoting on the internet. Over the years, society has completely changed the way a woman looks at herself in the mirror and managed in multiple cases to make them change their appearance for no good/medical reason. Of course you have to do whatever makes you feel empowered, beautiful and amazing. But keep in mind that if you decide to make a change because you’ve seen a celebrity doing it or some „influencer” that’s not called body positivity. It’s just called manipulation and brain washing. Read that again.

For me body positivity is being aware of your own insecurities, address them, have an honest conversation with yourself (doesn’t matter how long it will be) and take ownership of the changes you want to make (if any). To be clear, body positivity does not mean „I feel fat and I don’t really like myself, but when I find someone, they will love me exactly the way I am”. Let me tell you that this will never, never work.

This is how toxic and failed relationships start. You truly have to be at peace and you have to love yourself in order to attract healthy connections with other people. You gotta love you first to be able to love and be loved in return. Some people, (myself included) are able to lie to themselves in a beautiful way. So beautiful it seems true.

For years I’ve been thinking „Why am I not able to find someone? I love myself. All that bad stuff is in the past”. Stop lying to yourself. The expression „Fake it until you make it” doesn’t apply here and it never will. Being deceitful to yourself will not bring you happiness. It will only let the frustration and confusion come to the surface. Work that s*hit out first, and then you will have the tools to be in an amazing relationship with someone.

From my own experience, body positivity and being comfortable in your own skin is a lifetime journey and not a passing moment/phase. This is actually an extraordinary thing because that means you have to put yourself first every single day and do whatever brings you joy. Long story short: body positivity means taking care of yourself and making sure you’re honest with every decision you take.

It would be amazing to read stories about your own experience regarding this topic. How did you manage to overcome your body insecurities? Please use the comment section and let me know.

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