Here we are. Here we are again, with another article about relationships. Did I see this coming? Probably…deep down I knew it was going to happen eventually. I’ve mentioned this before, but let me reiterate: I will write and have these conversations on Social Media about relationships if I truly feel like people will benefit from it. Not just for the sake of having them.

I spend a lot of time on Social Media, especially TikTok (I know, what I shock, right?) and on that platform I see a lot of people having conversations, disputes and opinions about what a relationship should look like. More precisely: how you can tell if a guy is truly interested in you or if he’s just playing the field. Let me specify one thing: what I’m about to express (from my own experience, from what I’ve learned and what I’ve heard from people close to me) will be applied for most situations, but be mindful that every relationship needs to be treated and analyzed individually, because every minor detail that I might not know about can change the entire perspective on that situation.

We’ve all been there: we like a guy, we start talking with him, everything seems nice and dandy and all of the sudden conversations start to become dry, he’s not making any effort anymore, he’s being flaky, inconsistent and so on, we all know the story by now. Women on Social Media and even some of my friends are asking themselves „Why is this happening?” „How come he changed his behavior all of the sudden?” And you know what happens next? We create fake scenarios and excuses for them in our head and we get disappointed over and over again. We overcomplicate and overthink things and here I’m not referring only to women or men, but humans in general. When it comes to romantic relationships, we’re always extra in our way of approaching things, especially if we feel like there’s something wrong.

I think it’s extremely funny when friends ask my advice about a situation like this, them being so confused and shocked about this behavior, maybe still finding reasons and excuses to talk to that specific guy, trying to make me agree with them somehow so they keep talking to that person and I’m over there „Girl, this is complete bf. If he wanted to he would and you know that.”. Yes. It’s that simple. And I know you’ve heard this sentence by now at least once. What does it mean? Here’s my point of view and here’s why I support this approach. I didn’t write about this topic before because this concept/perspective on romantic relationships is relatively new. It’s been talked about on Social Media and I wanted to take a moment and see if and why I agree with this statement.

It all comes down to what are our priorities and who we prioritize in our life. This is the concept people need to get a grasp on: if you feel like your partner, your boyfriend/girlfriend or even your situationship does not make you a priority and you find yourself always asking for attention, affection, more quality time to the point of almost begging…now there we have a problem. People tend to have an issue with the If he wanted to he would statement and tend not to trust it or dismiss it, because in most cases, in the past, that person did want to do a lot of what was required and out of nowhere they stopped. So they assume that this might be a temporary thing, a phase that will just pass and things will get back to normal. Hence, the constant questioning and confusion about where you stand with that person.

The truth is simple: the relationship dynamic has shifted somehow and you’re both not on the same page anymore. You either address it, get to a resolution and get on the same page again, or you move on from that person. The more you continue to find excuses for them, the more you’re gonna be disappointed, because let’s get one thing straight: people want to make an effort and show an effort for the ones that truly matter to them. If you have the slightest feeling that you are not a priority anymore and they distance themselves from you… simply let them and mirror that behavior yourself. 

I know it’s harsh and difficult to hear, especially when you can’t think clearly, but remember you can’t force love. In most situations, when a romantic partner is creating distance from you, the one thing you should never do is: giving them more affection or love. That will create even more disconnect. Giving more of something they already don’t want is not a solution and it’s not gonna fix the problem…it’s gonna amplify it.  

The reason why I stand beside the statement „If he wanted to, he would” is because it’s so simple and effective that it saves you a lot of time and heartache along the way. Once you have mastered this mindset everything will become so easy and your screening process for men will become more and more rigorous. You will be able to figure out who’s truly interested in you from the get go and one thing you’ll realize: the one person showing you how it feels like to be a priority in their lives will make you understand why it did not work with the other guys. This is one of the reasons no one should ever settle. We all deserve to feel special, loved and that we matter.

He can spend hours and hours without checking in with you? Afraid to say it, but he’s just not that into you and you know if he wanted to check in and send a message he could have done so. He’s done it before, what’s stopping him now? We’re always on our phones; on Social Media…stop creating fake excuses. He’s not making any plans to see you, he doesn’t take any interest in knowing the real you (your hobbies, personality, and you guys always have surface level conversations) …I’m not gonna lie to you girlie, he’s just not that into you. If a man truly likes you, he would do all those things and more. Don’t give your affection to these guys who breadcrumb you. He doesn’t see you as the most precious and beautiful woman he’s ever met? Girl, you should run. If he doesn’t make you feel like that from the beginning, don’t expect more from him cause simply you’re not the one. He does not want to take you on dates, share experiences with you and be more involved in your life? Sweetie, if he saw a future with you he would have done all these things. He doesn’t…so he won’t.

You might think that I enjoy saying all these harsh things and be so brutally honest. Well… I don’t. That’s just how I am and to be even more honest that’s how I’ve become over the years. Let me tell you why. I’ve had to learn all of these things the hard way. I’ve made lots of mistakes. No one taught me about these things. It was a long and slow process to discover self-worth, self-respect and boundaries. You think I want to see someone else going through the same? No, I’m gonna do what a big sister would do and try to teach you before it’s too late. Oh, but if you want the harsh lessons in life and you don’t want to learn from someone else’s mistakes? Hey, who am I to argue with you?

„If he wanted to, he would” take is meant to make your life easier, most importantly to help you not to waste time in a romantic relationship that has no future. Simply to separate yourself from meaningless encounters and meet faster the person you’re truly supposed to be with. You can’t get back time so be very mindful who you spend it with.

You might wonder „But what if he wants to, but he can’t right now? There is no such thing and here’s why. Two people that belong together will be on the same page when they meet and there will be no doubts or second guessing whatsoever. It’s hard for me to grasp the concept of: ok, so we met, it’s not right for us at this time because he doesn’t want a relationship, but in a year, when he’s ready we’ll be together. I know romantic comedies ruin a lot of people, but it’s time to wake up and smell the roses because this is not true. That’s a lie created to keep you tied to the past and hoping that that specific person will come back.

The person who’s not aligned with you romantically at the time you are, cannot be and should not be the person you end up with. You’re supposed to grow in the meantime and if they come back simply say: Thanks, but you had your chance. Ask yourself this: Why did it take them so long to see your value and worth? Why did it take so much time to realize that you are right for them? Even if you’re single at that time when they come back it should be a red flag…and your feelings for that person are supposed to change and not be the same. But if they are the same …it’s still a question of „Why you should want to be with them when they feel ready, but when you were…they were not?” How does it make sense? Learn how to not waste your time and your life will get happier and easier.

Romantic relationships are extremely complicated, nuanced and everyone has an opinion about what you should do or not do. I’m not a relationship coach, I never aspire to be and these are just my thoughts on a Sunday afternoon.

Comment section as always is always open to leave your comment or ask any question related to this topic.

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